A door, waiting to be opened

unsplash-logoAnnie Spratt

This is how you leave a place:

Let your unease grow. Discomfort and unhappiness increase slowly, so there is no rush. Friends upset you, but only in small amounts. Living with the discomfort of their prejudices and unkindnesses is easy, because when you go home you’re no longer affected by their rancidness of thought and behaviour.

Then just wait.

The call to leave will be stronger in the evenings, especially when preparing to sleep. At this point, review your day. Ask, What have you achieved except the same as the day before? You labour to build someone else’s capital, while your indifference lets harm fester.

Have you achieved anything of value?

And when you’ve about convinced yourself to leave while you’re laying in your bed, think of how difficult it will be to replace everyone and everything, to rebuild your support network, to rebuild a home in a place you don’t understand.

Lie to yourself: leaving will be better, since you’re doing more harm than good.

Prepare in small ways. Collect tinned food. Clothes. A little at a time, day-to-day. Page through your Book of Languages and wonder how long it will take to learn the next.

And then one day, when your bag and heart are heavy, pick up the bag and ignore your heart. Use your Key to open a door. Go, knowing that you will not come back.